Ever wish that flavors of sugary delight and pork sizzlin' goodness could just linger and linger on and on?

Well, dreamer, time to break reverie, because your vision has arrived -- I'm talkin' MAPLE- BACON LOLLIS! Glee and smoked meat rolled into a long-lasting lollipop. Vive la Baconian!

Regardless of whether you place this on a tier of terrible, or conversely, as the only food you want while stranded on a deserted island -- it is a compelling study regarding the fusion of of sugar and meat on a stick.

Goodbye, Jack. You have been a sweet, wonderful, loyal horse and friend. I love when you rub your forehead up and down on my palm because you are happy to see me and because you think it feels nice. I love you and will miss you so much. I know you are in pain and life is not fun anymore, and letting you go is the kindest thing I can do; but it's so difficult because of how kind, trusting, and loving you have been to me.

New roller coaster - 97 degree drop...

Yes, 7 degrees steeper than pure vertical.

And now -- predict --

If I rode the "Fahrenheit" roller coaster, I'd

(a) barf until infinity freezes over
(b) weep as I watched g-forces punch a hole through what was once my body
(c) need to call mom for a change of clothes
(d) leave only a small dollop of sweat on the seat after I spontaneously combusted
(e) any or all combinations of the above
(f) other _______________________________

Cheat option! Watch the vid!

Stephen Colbert's "Make McCain Exciting" Challenge!

Do you dare?

When your pork says "Cheese" - or smileys part deux...

Okay, must admit -- I am quite fascinated by the concept of lunch meat with a smiley face. Maybe it would taste better, and it certainly would make things more fun when crafting a sandwich -- especially if you used mustard as a weapon. Oh, damn, regular lunch meat is starting to seem all mediocre now...

And for all my vegetarian friends -- would you fancy a soylami smiley loaf? ;-D

So, gentle reader, if you are willing to overlook a slight (20%) preservative, filler, and artificial color issue (the sign does, however, claim this delicacy to be a daring 80% pork)...bon apetit!

Son of Irony 2.0

Emoticons are the virtual world's mode of expression regarding what one is feeling, yes? Well, now you can wear a mask on your melon to light up a' la emoticon -- giving your actual emotions a touch of, oh, je ne sais quoi. And if you are trying to hide a discomforting emotion or taste of failure, I suppose you could use the emoticon mask to conceal what you're actually feeling.

Is this bot-face type of scenario a touch unsettling or have you already Googled this for purchase?

The New Yorker's Caption Contest's Winning Entry...

The New Yorker's cartoons are known for their pithy bon mots...and I really liked this one because of the simplicity of the caption overlying its complexity. To me, in a best case scenario, it is a metaphor of the nonchalance we sometimes have about fragility of our world. At its most disconcerting, it is an analogy exemplifying the danger of our ignorance.

"O.K. I'm at the window. To the right? Your right or my right?"

Patrick House Palo Alto, Calif.

Drawing by Harry Bliss, after Jack Kirby